The Notebook. Book written by Nicholas Sparks and movie staring Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams. Pretty much every girl has seen it or at least knows what it is, and I bet most of you guys are inwardly groaning right now. I myself have read the book as well as watched it multiple times just like other Nicholas Sparks books and movies.
Why do girls love it so much? I've been thinking about this a lot recently and I've come to this conclusion:
Because it affirms every girl's inward expectations for what guys should give us in relationships.
It's true. Every girl wants a guy who will longingly wait for her like Noah, or a guy who will stand by us through hard times like Landon. The list goes on and on. We idolize these relationships as perfect and yearn for guys just like in these movies and others like them. We dream of the day when our relationships will reflect the ones we see on screen.
The Notebook and other story lines like it are both absolutely true and absolutely misleading. You see ladies, there is someone who will love you inside and out. Who will pick you up when you fall. There is someone who knows you better than anyone else and who loves your stubbornness and your craziness and all of your faults. There is someone who will wait for you when you leave him for someone or something else. Who will constantly pursue you. There is someone who knows you intimately and passionately. Someone who loves you with the greatest and most sacrificial love that the world has ever seen.
But you won't find him in romance novels or movies or earthly relationships. His name is Jesus.
We want so badly to be loved and accepted, that we look for it in stories, rather than in God.
We want so badly to be loved PERFECTLY that we put those EXPECTATIONS on guys in our relationships. Girls, that is a place that your boyfriend was never meant to fill.
Your boyfriend was never meant to fulfill you. He was never meant to be your life or your everything. We have put unrealistic expectations on guys because we expect them to be perfect, we expect them to be God.
I was watching a Francis Chan video about Christ-centered relationships and something he said really struck me. Imagine that we are living in a fish tank of some sort. The only source of life or way to breathe is through an oxygen tank. Most relationships are based on one sole oxygen tank. Both people are fighting for it, for their life source, from the other person. We expect them to provide us with life and contentment as well as their own. We were never meant to be in relationship like that. We were meant to each have our own oxygen tank, where the air is provided by God. He gives us life and breath and contentment. He gives the other person their own oxygen tank where he gives them life and fulfillment. In abundance.
I cannot expect my boyfriend to provide my happiness and contentment. He can't. I can't expect him to always make me happy and fill me with joy. He can't. I can't. We were not made to be each other's life force and source of joy. Instead I was made to be completely and totally dependent on God. I was made to find my complete fulfillment and satisfaction and joy in Him. We were meant to love the Lord and serve him together as the body of Christ. But I cannot serve wholeheartedly in relationship if I'm trying to find my life in that relationship.
I am really bad at that. Somedays I find my attitude depending on his. If he's having a bad day and is slightly irritable, then my day goes bad. Somedays I create expectations that he doesn't meet and I get upset. It's the same for him. I know sometimes I drive him absolutely nuts and make him really frustrated. But that's not what it's about. I have to choose to find my identity in Christ every single day no matter what happens between us or what goes on that day. My joy and my happiness depend on my relationship with the Lord, not on my earthly relationships.
So is it okay to watch The Notebook? Sure. Absolutely. But just know that when you find yourself longing for that perfect love, you already have access to a love so much greater than you can ever imagine. A love that will satisfy you like nothing else ever will. God's unfailing love.
And don't put incredibly romantic and unreasonable expectations on the guys either. It makes them feel inadequate because we are searching for something from them that they can't give. It's amazing in itself how we convince them to take us to movies like that. Poor things. So for all my readers, here's a link to the Francis Chan video. It's amazing!!!
